WE'VE TURNED CONFUSION INTO AESTHETIC
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| When confusion becomes the new normal |
There’s a pattern I’ve been noticing online lately.
If you’ve spent any time online recently—especially in Nigerian spaces—you’ve probably noticed it too.
- Everyone says “I overthink everything” like it’s cute
- “Mystery boy energy” becomes an excuse for emotional inconsistency
- Nonchalance is now treated like attractiveness
- People are more focused on sounding “cool” than being clear
Aura farming at its peak.
Somewhere along the line, overthinking stopped being a problem and became a personality trait.
Suddenly, nonchalance, emotional unavailability and plain disregard for people have being romanticized.
We’ve turned confusion into aesthetic.
And it’s exhausting. Because half the time, nothing is actually mysterious—people are just emotionally unavailable, packaged well.
- “Mystery boy energy” becomes an excuse for inconsistency.
- Nonchalance becomes a substitute for effort.
- And suddenly, not caring is attractive.
FIRST,
There is no such thing as:
“POV: I’m an overthinker, you can’t hurt me.”
If anything, it’s the opposite.
You don’t imagine every scenario because you’re untouchable.
You do it because something has already made you feel unsafe.
It’s because you’ve been hurt—and instead of dealing with it, you bring it online, trying to convince strangers that you’re fine.
And this “nonchalant” thing people keep claiming? I chuckle.
Unpopular opinion: "There is no such thing as a nonchalant guy."
Because most of the time, it just means not showing up when it actually matters.
Not putting in effort. Not being intentional.
And calling it “nonchalance” doesn’t suddenly make it a personality trait.
Stay with me y'all.
A guy claims to be nonchalant, but he cares about his family? His future? His success?
Then he’s not nonchalant.
You can’t be “nonchalant” in one area and engaged in everything else.
That’s not a personality trait, it’s a choice.
Personality traits aren't selective.
And notice how it mostly shows up in relationships; a space where consistency matters and effort can't be faked.
That’s not a personality, it’s an excuse to get off the hook.
It’s immaturity and an inability to put in effort.
You care about something—your future, your friends, your family, your goals.
So if you suddenly “don’t care” in a relationship, let’s call it what it is:
It’s not a personality trait.
It’s a choice.
We are confusing:
- Detachment with confidence
- Confusion with depth
- Silence with personality
- Inconsistency with “vibes”
Not everything needs to be aesthetic.
Some things are just avoidance dressed in better language.
