WHEN THEY CHEAT: IS INFIDELITY BECOMING THE NEW NORMAL?

"Side by side, yet miles apart."
What happens when presence doesn't equal connection?

Married People and Spouses — Your Favourite Boo is Back With Another One!

Love, they say, is the greatest gift of all, many people spend their lives searching for "THE ONE,"—that one person who was crafted specially for you, who gets you in a sea of people. 

But lets be honest...does "the one" really exist or are we in love with the idea of it?

 

"There is no perfect , there will always be struggle, you just have to pick who you want to struggle with"     

                                                                                — Before you go {movie} 

Personally, I believe the "one exists"—to an extent But unlike fairytales, they won't magically know all your thoughts, pet peeves, or your favorite way to be loved. They aren't just going  to get you and know what you're thinking before you say it.

Nope. It doesn't work that way guys, you still need to put in the effort and time to get to know each other, to talk and relate. Ands when it clicks and you find yourself thinking about them all the time, you know you've found 'your one.'

But What Happens When "Your Person" Cheats?

Maybe you're in a relationship. Maybe you're married. Maybe he was “the one.” And now… he cheats.

 Now look, some people are in open marriages are allowed to explore, if that's you, kudos. Do you, sis. As long as you’re safe and it’s consensual, live your life.

Some spouses are fine with infidelity in their romantic relationships as long as the side piece stays away from the home and they’re assured the cheating partner will always come back to them. If that arrangement works for both parties and boundaries are respected, then it’s entirely their choice. Everyone handles relationships differently, and what matters most is mutual understanding and consent.

But for the girls who can't do it, let's talk.

First off: cheating in relationships isn't normal or natural.

 The internet has romanticized infidelity, especially for men, and tried to make it look like a natural phenomenon  it isn't. Cheating isn't a default.  It’s not biology. It’s a CHOICE.

"It's possible to meet someone who is perfect for you while you are committed to someone else but if you're committed to someone, you do not allow yourself to find perfection in someone else."

                                         — Before you go {movie}  

Once is a mistake.

Twice? That’s a pattern.

Three times? It’s not a joke anymore. BABY, that’s a habit.

 Ian Fleming frames it beautifully well, 

 

"Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.” 

                                                                — Ian Fleming {James Bond, #7}

Do you hear that ladies, enemy action. 

That man who keeps hurting you? He’s not just careless—he's your ENEMY!!! And that's on period. Quote me anywhere. 

Rihanna once said, "Make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world." 

Let me tell you something, you shouldn't just feel like the only girl in his world...

YOU SHOULD BE THE ONLY GIRL IN HIS WORLD.

If he says you're "enough," then what's he doing out there being greedy?

The Real Cost of Cheating? Trust.

 

"Every look, every joke, every time we made love became lies, there's no coming back from that"

                                                                                     — Brooke {Before We Go} 

Once the trust in a relationship breaks, it taints everything—your self-esteem, your mental peace, your ability to believe in love again.

So, sis, open your eyes.
If he's  cheating while dating, chances are he’ll keep cheating in marriage too. 

Choose your poison:

•  Be alone and at peace, or
• Married and constantly questioning your worth.

If you know infidelity is a deal breaker for you, say it early. Communicate it clearly before things get serious. I once spoke to a guy who said, “No man can be faithful. All men cheat.”
You think I stayed to test that theory? I took to my heels! I ran. Fast.

Notice the red flags now, before it’s too late—before he gives you an incurable STD or brings kids home for you to raise.

And to the Cheaters...

STAY PUT!!!
Control yourself.
Stop putting your partners through emotional trauma.
JEEZ!!

ASHES OF A FORGOTTEN DREAM

Some dreams don’t die.
They sink, and pull a part of you with them.

She knelt in the tide, not to pray, but to remember.

The woman she used to be felt like a ghost brushing against her skin — softer than the sea, heavier than the sky.

Dreams don't always vanish in silence.

Some leave behind ashes…

and the ache of what could've been.

ASHES OF A FORGOTTEN DREAM 

 IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! Those three words wouldn’t stop ringing in my head from the moment I woke up. Happiness cloaked itself around me like a duvet. I was ecstatic.

 

Today I turned fifty, my golden jubilee. I check my phone and see various messages from my kids and husband and my smile lit up brighter. They probably didn’t call because they knew I’d still be asleep.

 

My party was to be held tomorrow and in a few hours, my friends would swarm here trying to prep me for tomorrow. My kids would definitely join in the chaos when their flight lands later today. A happy home with four kids and a loving husband, I couldn’t be happier.

 

As I walked to my closet, humming a tune so familiar yet so distant, something felt off—like a quiet whisper buried in the air, waiting to be heard.

 

I opened my wardrobe to change. As I pull out an outfit from the rack, the hanger falls from my hands. I bend down to pick it up and notice a large brown box at the bottom of my wardrobe covered with clothes.

 

They don’t say curiosity killed the cat or nothing. I dust the box and sit on the edge of the bed, ready to open it.

 

I wish I didn’t.

 

First thing I saw was a blue thick manuscript with the title, “GHOSTS OF THE PAST” by Michelle Adebayo.

 

“Oh!” I exclaim and memories of how I struggled and stayed up to finish this manuscript, my vow to get it published and turned into a movie filled my head. It was going to be my first big project. I put it aside and picked out the old photo album next, its pages were frayed and the pictures were beginning to fade but the youthful energy in them remained. I saw my pictures from childhood to adolescent, to my short stay in the university and even when I was pregnant. That radiant and hopeful smile I once wore and tears began to pool in my eyes.

 

I drop it and spot an old brown book, my decades old journal and I open to a random page.

 

 

April 16, 2010

Entry 92

    

   I finally finished my manuscript, I’ve already outlined a few companies I’ll write to tomorrow. I will keep submitting it until it gets published. I found out I was pregnant today, Charles wants me to keep it and I want to. A fresh undergraduate already pregnant, sounds like hell but I can handle it. I’ll still see my dreams through and I will still end up being a fantastic travel journalist. This is just a minor stumbling block, I will be great, that’s a spoiler.

 

     — M    

 

My chest tightens. I remember that version of me—fearless, determined, still untouched by life's detours.

I flip a few pages forward. A thinner, shakier handwriting greets me.

 

May 9, 2014

Entry 137

I still haven’t submitted “Ghosts of the Past.” I was so determined when I finished it, but then everything changed.

When I found out I was pregnant, I had to put everything on hold. I thought the publishers would still see the potential in my manuscript, but when I told them I couldn’t do a book tour because of the baby, they pulled back. They wanted someone available for interviews, events. But how could I be available when I was about to give birth and move?

The move to our new house took more time than I ever anticipated. Between settling in, raising Jessie, and adjusting to the new life, I never gave myself the space to breathe, let alone focus on “Ghosts of the Past.” It’s been a while since I wrote anything.

It feels like I let it slip through my fingers, like it faded into the background of my life.  Maybe when things calm down. I just need time. Just a little more time…

 

 M

My fingers tremble as I close the journal. Four years apart, and already the fire was dimming. I kept waiting for the perfect moment to chase my dreams, not realizing that time doesn’t pause for anyone—not even a mother.

Tears fall down my cheeks like rivers of living waters. I made a monumental mistake, I FORGOT!!!!! I got carried away between raising a child, being a wife and trying to keep my home, I forgot my own dreams and ambitions, I replaced them with obligations.

I broke my only rule, did the one thing I vowed and sealed to myself that I’d never do, I lived my life for someone else, a man!!! Washed all my dreams and plans down the drain to propel him. I forgot about my promise.

 

At this realization, tears fall down my cheeks even harder. I never got my degree, top of the class for the first semester yet I never made it to the end. Charles got his degree, I am a glorified housewife, my husband is an engineer. I wasn’t successful and fulfilled, Charles was!

 

I lost sight of my goals. I lost my fire….and myself.

 

The journal dropped out of my hand with a soft thud, its pages scatter around like pieces of my life, all reminding me of what I could have been. All teasing my existence, they were all mocking me.

 

What happened to me?
I used to be fire. I used to dream out loud.
Now… now I plan grocery lists. I smile when I’m meant to

I host parties, I make everyone feel seen but myself.
How did I get so lost while trying to keep everything together?
Was this love or a slow erasure of me?

 

“Happy--mum is everything okay?” my eldest Jessie asks as she steps into the room carrying a tray filled with breakfast. Seeing her, I didn’t know if in that instance, I resented or loved her. I wondered what my life would be like, where I would be if I never got pregnant or even had an abortion.

 

It wasn’t her fault, I knew that. After all I FORGOT! Yet I couldn’t bring myself to exonerate her, her siblings and my husband.

 

I let life pass me by, that will forever be on me, my cross to carry for life. I broke my vow, I became my mother. She was broken by a man, decades later and lightning strikes twice in the same place.

 

As I thought of all this, I cried even harder, with a confused Jessie hugging and holding me close.

HUMAN TOUCH: Our Hidden Superpower

“Touch—our first language, our silent comfort. Don’t take it for granted.”

             

"Human touch. Our first form of communication, Safety, security, comfort, all in the gentle caress of a finger. Or the brush of lips on a soft cheek. It connects us when we're happy, bolsters us in times of fear, excites us in times of passion and love. We need that touch from the one we love, almost as much as we need air to breathe. But I never understood the importance of touch. His Touch. Until I couldn't have it. So if you're watching this, and you're able, touch him. Touch her. Life's too short to waste a second."

                   —Stella, Five Feet Apart. 

I recently watched the movie Five Feet Apart and honestly, I was moved. The storyline pulled at my heart, but what really stuck with me was Stella’s quote about human touch.

It's safe to say a lot of us take the ability to touch for granted, when in reality, not everyone has access to this seemingly ordinary thing. Yet a simple touch can say things words never could. Sometimes we don’t need long talks—we just need comfort. A gentle hug or caress from someone we love can be all the healing we need.

Touch is our very first form of communication, and it stays powerful all through our lives. Stella made me realize how beautiful and sacred it truly is. Human touch is healing. It’s comforting. And it should always be cherished.

We’re in a season of second chances, a time of forgiveness and reflection. The period when Christ came back to life and completed the process of redemption between God and man.

It’s a time to let go, to forgive, and to discover yourself again. And in this spirit, I’m asking you: reach out. Touch him. Touch her. Reassure them of their place in your life. Hold them a little longer. Appreciate the comfort, the presence, the love—because not everyone has that. And none of us know how long we’ll have it.

Life is short. So live for the moment... and for the touch.

How to Glow Up in 2025: The Ultimate Guide to Confidence, Style & Success

 Two months into 2025, and it feels like everyone else has their "New Year, New Me" figured out—meanwhile, some of us are still trying to get it together.

Well get ready, because by this end of this post, you will be equipped with everything you need for your final transformation, a glow-up is more than just a makeover—it’s a full transformation, inside and out. Whether you want to upgrade your style, boost your confidence, or improve your mindset, this guide will help you achieve it all.

Get ready, because your glow-up starts now!!

1. Mindset Makeover: Upgrade Your Thoughts for a True Glow-Up

CHANGE BEGINS IN YOUR MIND!!

I know, I know—it sounds like one of those overused self-help lines. But think about it: these ideas stick around because they actually work. These ideas are clichéd because they  actually work.

Before anything else, a glow-up starts in your mind. You can’t change your life if you’re still thinking the same way. If you’re constantly doubting yourself or stuck in negative thought patterns, no amount of skincare, gym sessions, or new outfits will truly make a difference.

So what do you do?

•  Let go of self-doubt. The way you speak to yourself matters. Replace “I can’t” with “I will.”
•  Start journaling or using affirmations. Writing down your goals and speaking positivity into your life helps rewire your mindset.
•  Cut off what no longer serves you. Whether it’s toxic people, bad habits, or limiting beliefs—drop them.
•  Surround yourself with inspiration. Read books, listen to podcasts, follow people who motivate you to be better.

Let your aura radiate positivity and I assure you, you are well on your way to achieving that picture perfect glow up.

2. Level Up Your Self-Care Routine for a Radiant Glow

A glow-up isn’t just about looking good—it’s about feeling amazing too. The better you take care of yourself, the more you radiate confidence and energy.

•  Skincare is non-negotiable—hydrate, use sunscreen daily, and find a routine that works for your skin type. Consistency is key.
•  Fix your sleep schedule—beauty sleep is real. Aim for 7–9 hours so you wake up refreshed and glowing.
•  Move your body—whether it’s hitting the gym, yoga, pilates, or even daily walks, staying active keeps you looking and feeling good.

3. Refresh Your Style & Aesthetic for a Confidence Boost

Ever heard the saying: "Dress the way you want to be addressed?" Well, it’s true. Another popular one? "Looks don’t matter." I’m going to stop you right there—they do.

Like it or not, we form first impressions in seconds based on looks alone, and those impressions? They stick. The way you dress, carry yourself, and present your overall aesthetic speaks before you even say a word. So, if you want to level up, start with how you show up.

•  Find your signature style—ditch trends that don’t flatter you and focus on pieces that make you feel powerful. Your style should reflect you.
•  Invest in staple wardrobe pieces—a well-fitted blazer, a classic pair of jeans, or that one dress that makes you feel unstoppable. Quality over quantity.
•  Experiment with a new hairstyle or makeup look—sometimes, a fresh cut or a bold lip is all you need to step into a new era of confidence.
•  Own your aesthetic—whether it’s minimalistic, casual, edgy, soft-girl, or anything in between, refine your look in a way that feels authentic to you.

Because when you look good, you feel good—and when you feel good, you own the room.

4. Elevate Your Confidence & Social Skills for Success

Confidence is the ultimate glow-up—it transforms how others see you and, more importantly, how you see yourself.

Venus Williams famously said, 

"Just believe in yourself. Even if you don't, pretend that you do and, at some point, you will.”

• Take up space—walk like you belong in any room. Keep your head high, shoulders back, and make eye contact. You’re not invisible, so don’t act like it.
•  Master the art of communication—being well-spoken is a game-changer. Whether it’s knowing how to hold a conversation, articulate your thoughts, or simply express yourself clearly, strong communication skills make you instantly more attractive and respected.
•  Step out of your comfort zone—say yes to new experiences, introduce yourself to new people, and take on challenges that scare you. Your comfort zone is great but that's all you can ever get there—comfort. Real growth happens when you push past your limits.

5. Secure the Bag: Financial & Career Glow-Up in 2025

"Money makes the world go round?" Yes it does.

A real glow-up isn’t just about looking good—it’s about securing your future and building a life you’re proud of.

•  Get your money right—set financial goals, track your spending, and start saving. Look into multiple income streams and investments because financial independence is the real flex.
•  Learn high-value skills—whether it’s digital marketing, coding, content creation, or public speaking, develop skills that increase your earning potential. Knowledge is power—and money. And remember, no knowledge is ever useless
•  Level up your career—if you’re stuck in a job or situation that doesn’t serve you, start mapping out your next move. Update your resume, network with the right people, and don’t be afraid to chase bigger opportunities.

Because true success isn’t just about where you are—it’s about where you’re going.

Final Thoughts: Your Glow-Up Era Starts Now

A glow-up isn’t just about looking good—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself in every aspect of life. From upgrading your mindset to elevating your confidence, style, and finances, every step you take brings you closer to the person you’re meant to be.

But here’s the thing—a glow-up isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. It’s about constantly improving, learning, and stepping into your power. So start today. Set your goals, put in the work, and watch how your life transforms.

2025 is yours for the taking—own it.

"Which glow-up tip are you starting with? Drop a comment below and let’s glow up together!"